Day 68: Conflict
We are running out of patience. Tessa who is so wise and even-tempered seems to have a very short fuse today. We ended up having a fight. For us, it was a big one. We only have each other in the end. That, I guess, is worse for me than it is for her. She will find other people. She will get on with her life (as it should be) and I will be totally alone.
I don't want to be obnoxious, to tell her what to do, to constantly remind her to do her part to keep the house going. But, if I don't, she forgets.
The disagreement was about my colour pencils. She dropped a bunch of them twice in the space of a few minutes. She was frustrated because she was not managing the effects she wanted. I was frustrated because I saw her as an entitled person throwing a tantrum. I don't want her to be entitled. It's a horrible attitude. But I have to wonder whether it is my responsibility, whether I have made her like that. After all, she has everything she wants, she gets anything she asks for. It's hard. I want to give her everything. And yet, I don't want her to take things for granted. I want her to take care of what we share and to appreciate how lucky we are that we can afford nice colour pencils, and other art supplies. We are fortunate.
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